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and im only doing this cuz no one really knows who i am. Another day of emotions buried..feelings left in said and the frustration of uncertainty. So when he proposed, I said yes, even though I knew I wasn't ready. but she seems to prefer spending time with it than me.

i am 5 1/2 months pregnant but i dont want this baby. i wanted a family and still do but this is very bad timing for a baby... Last weekend I cooked a special dinner...candles...trying to rekindle what we once had. I told him I had prepared a special dinner for him. know nothing about....u are asleep and I have a battle zone going on within my heart. Oh sure we talk and take care of kids etc but you can't have any deep meaningful conversation when someone's attention is divided if not elsewhere.

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Then I wonder why I constantly crave communication from someone else. This morning as I was drinking my coffee in the kitchen my husband walks by and he asks me where I'd put the suitcase. that something wasn't quite right, your intuition tingling, trying to tell you something that you couldn't quite hear. Then this morning he offered to take me to the park where I typically... Here I am lying in bed writing this and another night by myself. He's asleep in a single bed with our 9 year old daughter. If you don't have that special thing from day one chances are you get older and realize what that empty spot really is. It's like my life is a book whose secret no one knows and I am sailing on an unknown meaningless journey.. It's been 19 years, but it's been bad for so long, I don't even know what a healthy relationship is anymore.

And she's gonna treat him like **** because he's gonna kiss her *** for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existance. And if you ask her about her marriage, she feels its ok and everything is fine. As I sit here having a one sided conversation with my husband, I'm getting very little response in return. Wellllllllll yesterday he took me out on a date ...dinner and a movie still not much conversation but hey it was nice and I really felt like he was trying. my husband has never been my friend or have ever tried..

Now that my baby is 17, we finally have time for us. Due to her anxiety or whatever it is - she gets distracted and does not take care of things. I hate answering by saying "I'm fine" when really I'm not! when your husband lives with chronic illness makes everything twice is hard, sleeping all the time in pain all the time. Impossible so *any* opportunity the presents itself is jumped on (pun intended). I am a very attractive woman not considered attractive enough to have sex with by my husband.